If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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