omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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