just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
