I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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