cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
