We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
