i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
