dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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