literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Found the puke drawer
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
