i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
