so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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