I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
