We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
