When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
