I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Randomize
