I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
