R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
