You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
