I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize