I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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