I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
