i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
