The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
