lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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