happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
