Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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