Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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