dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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