this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
