i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
