BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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