If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
