What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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