Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize