Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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