I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
