Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize