God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
