So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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