So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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