You just made me feel so damn special
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
