i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
