I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
