Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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