i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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