i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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