My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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