we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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