Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
