apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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