That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
