I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
