I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
