I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
