I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
