dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
