I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
