I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
