so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
