I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
