3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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