I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
