Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you never un-have a 4some
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
