The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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