and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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