If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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