The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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