mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
