Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
