there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
