Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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