I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
