We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
