last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
