Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
