hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
