I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
